My sister and I are 14 months apart. I’m the oldest of the duo. We have lived together for 25 years and you would think by now we’d be a dynamic pair, making awesome shit happen until we’ve made a name for ourselves…like the Olsen twins or the Mowry twins. But unfortunately that is not the case.
We argue and we fight. And we fight dirty. See the thing is, living with someone causes you to get to know them on a deeper level. I can tell you when she’s lying and what she just got done snacking on. I can tell you when someone irritated her or when she’s about to cry. I can tell you the exact gif or meme that will lift her mood; But I can also tell you her biggest fears and insecurities.
And this is our weapon.
When we argue, we start off with the childish “shut up’s” and the “stupid’s” but eventually we get to a dark place where there is no return…Insecurities.
We stoop low, yelling the most hurtful things to each other that cut the heart and damage the soul. Back and forth, back and forth, like a vicious ping pong game that goes so fast you get whiplash trying to keep up, and really you want it to end, but you can’t stop yourself from watching even though it’s hurting you.
We hurt each other until one of us decides to storm away, slightly broken, locking our bedroom door and calling it a night. Set to never speak to the other again.
Obviously we end up talking and it’s like nothing ever happened. But my question is WHY? Why do we hurt the people we care about the most? Why do we try to make them feel like they are trash? Why do we point out the insecurities rather than reassuring and building each other up?
Why? Why? Why?!
My sister and I have been through very tough life experiences and are going through our own personal journeys. Attempting to find happiness, inner-peace, purpose, etc. We have been each other’s saving grace many times. She is definitely one thing that has kept me going even through my darkest days of depression. I have a love for her that is deep and true.
I can only hope that at some point we will both be strong enough, healed enough, to never tear each other down again.